Running and a Weigh-In

Work is still busy (about 2 weeks to go! Woohoo!) and this week has been harder to eat well. It was also my 10 year wedding anniversary. We didn’t do much, but we did get pizza for the family for supper. It was SO GOOD, yet I know I always retain water like crazy after I eat it. So…I wasn’t surprised to see a gain at Weight Watchers.

I was up a full pound. That’s okay. I expected it. I know I didn’t make the best choices, not even considering the pizza. I am already working on making better choices this week, so that I see a loss next week. Hopefully I can break through 10 pounds.

Good news! I started running again! I re-started the C25k program and just completed my third day in a row. It feels AMAZING and I’m actually still in better shape than I thought! Yesterday I had my best time ever of 14:26. I think the cooler weather is helping. And it’s soooo nice to get outside and enjoy some of this beautiful weather before winter hits.

I have to keep this short and get to work. Hopefully in a couple of weeks I can blog more often!


I made a commitment

I have been married for almost 10 years. Before I got married, I lost 43 pounds by following the Weight Watchers plan by myself at home. I felt amazing! I still had about 20 pounds to lose, but I felt great! I had kept it off for a few years too.

Just Married! Oct 23, 2004

Just Married! Oct 23, 2004

We went to Hawaii on our honeymoon. I gained 7 pounds. Then I gained 50 pounds with each of my three pregnancies. I didn’t lose all the weight from any of them, and my last one I lost maybe 4 pounds.

A few years ago, I decided I was going to lose weight. On my own. Again. I’ve had some success. I’ve lost a bit, some months were great. But then I’d put it back on. I’m tired of the yo-yoing. I’m tired of very little progress. I’m tired of having no energy.

After thinking about it all week, and basically hitting rock bottom, I joined Weight Watchers. My first meeting was yesterday and I weighed in at 271.4, only 12 pounds down from my heaviest. Now I know their scale is probably a bit heavier than mine, just because I went after breakfast, but I will use their number for now.

I will show the “before” pictures I took yesterday at some point. I don’t feel ready yet. Here is another picture of me at my heaviest…not a great picture, but I think it’s obvious how much heavier I am that in my wedding picture.



I love online tools and support groups, but I need that personal support. I don’t have the kind of support I need at home, and this group of women I found seems great. I hope I can always make that day/time work.

I didn’t want to spend the money. Things are TIGHT for us. But I’m working my tail off couponing, and I probably save the monthly membership in one week of couponing. I deserve it. I need it. I need and want to do something positive for myself.

The moment I decided to join WW, I felt a weight lift from my shoulders. It feels like the right decision, at the right time. I can hardly weight to go next week!

Fricking Fracking Stress!

I don’t keep up on anything anymore. I have many half-finished projects. I always have excuses why I can take “just tonight” off and relax. Tomorrow I’ll get something done. Tomorrow I have the same excuses. It’s like my dad always says, tomorrow never gets here!

I know if I keep myself moving, I get more done. When I get more done, I FEEL better. I sleep better. I wake up in a better mood and don’t feel defeated right out of the gate. It’s a no-brainer, really. And yet I continue with the excuses.

I have no idea what my weight is right now. I definitely feel fuller in my stomach. I know that’s primarily because I snack too much in the evenings. Marcus is eating better these days, which helps, but it hasn’t stopped me from snacking. A lot of times I eat nuts and raisins, which is great, but I know I eat too much of them. And I shouldn’t be eating more than that at night. The extras need to stop.

Work is getting crazy and I’m just not motivated to do it! I am so completely exhausted by the end of October each year…it’s tough to make myself work extra right now. But I have to or it’ll be even worse later. I feel the “stress ball” in my stomach growing. I’ve learned this is where I store my stress. I’ve also learned that running helps. When I run, I can literally feel the stress leaving my body. So why don’t I get back to running?? On the one hand, I know if I take time to run, I will feel better and probably be more productive. On the other hand, I feel like I just have too much to do to take time off. And yet here I am blogging. Hmm…

Right now isn’t the best time to go all gung ho on a diet plan, although that doesn’t mean I can’t make an effort to make better choices. The #1 thing I am working on – starting NOW – is to chug the water! I’ve been slacking on it the past few weeks, and I feel better when I drink more. Plus if I’m really focusing on drinking more, I feel fuller which helps to minimize the endless snacking.

Somehow I need to get my shit together again. I can’t put too much pressure on myself for the next couple of months, but I still need to do the best I can. My hope is to get through this crazy work project with my sanity intact, and come out of it with some solid goals. Maybe I need to treat myself like a child and make a sticker chart or something. Ha! I’m sort of serious too…I need a visual way to “reward” myself for reaching my goals.

If I can work it out, I would love to take a full week off work when the kids are in school. I’m sure daycare will take time off to screw that up, though. It always happens. I understand it, but I also haven’t had much “me time” since we switched to this daycare 3 years ago. It’s much better than the previous one, so I have no regrets, I’m just missing my time.

Okay, so I can start some goals NOW. Today I will drink lots of water. And I will focus on work. I have a lot to do and will feel better at the end of the day knowing I did all I could do.

Do you have any tips to help me get through the next 7 or 8 weeks? Do you have any ideas on how I get track my goals?

Running and Loving It!

Yes, you read that right…I am really looking forward to my runs and actually enjoy them!

Monday night I decided I better do a c25k workout, knowing I wouldn’t be able to on Tuesday. I tackled Week 5 Day 3 which had a 20 minute run. I’ve been scared to do this because the most I had run at once was 8 minutes. Now they want me to do 20?!? I am happy to say I did it! It was hard and I ran cautiously slow, but I did it! My pace was only 17:05, but my legs are still recovering so it was still a good workout.

Today I decided to move on to Week 6 Day 1. This one was much easier with the longest run being 8 minutes. I enjoy it much more when it’s broken up a bit more like that. I was feeling strong and pushing myself a bit more. It showed because my pace was 16:05…a full minute faster than Monday!

I haven’t reported my weigh-ins because I was up last week. I was at 266.3 and know it’s because I hadn’t eaten the best. Today, I weighed in at exactly the same. Again, because I had enough “bad” food days.

In a way, I’m okay with it. I’m feeling great with the running. My moods are better and more stable. And even though my stomach isn’t shrinking (my pants are still snug in that area), I know my legs are getting firmer and stronger.

I definitely need to be more consistent with healthy eating. It should help now that our garden is doing well. We have so much lettuce that I could easily eat two large salads a day and still not be able to eat it all! Cherry tomatoes are slowly coming…I’ve had one so far and it was delicious! And zucchini is more than abundant. I’ll have to whip up a bunch of zucchini meatballs and freeze them…and freeze any extra zucchini!

Anyone watch Downton Abbey? Marcus and I recently started watching it on Amazon Prime. I’m glad we found something we both enjoy and can watch together. We’re now on Season 3 and it’s getting a bit emotional…two nights in a row I wanted to cry!

More running, and a weigh-in

This week I started Week 4 of c25k. There are two 3 minute runs and two 5 minute runs. It’s definitely a challenge and I am dripping with sweat by the end. It feels great!! I can hardly believe I’m doing it, but I am! The 5 minute runs are definitely a challenge for me, so I won’t move onto Week 5 quite yet. Heck, I’d be happy to stay on Week 4 and work on increasing my speed. Either way, I love it and I’m glad my feet and calves aren’t giving me any trouble.

Speaking of calf muscles, yesterday I was putting on my tennis shoes and I felt a calf muscle! I don’t know that I’ve ever felt it as strong as it is right now. I love it and can’t wait to find more muscles!

I’m getting back into the smoothies I used to make. They’re so easy, I don’t know why I stopped. Oh yeah…because it was winter and it was fricking cold! They’re very refreshing now. The way I make them, they’re usually the consistency of ice cream so it’s a nice little treat.

Today was my weigh-in day. I was up .2 pounds to 264.8. I expected more of a gain. I didn’t eat great most of the week. I feel stronger though, so I think the exercise is helping. I feel like if I can be more consistent with eating healthy, the weight is going to start coming off much quicker.

No matter what, I’m feeling great these days!

I don’t want to jinx myself…

…but I think I’m back on track!


I am still doing the c25k program. And enjoying it! I finished Week 2 Day 2 last night. I might stay on this week a couple extra workouts and try to increase my jogging speed before moving on. I’ll see how my next workout goes – hopefully tomorrow if I don’t get rained out.

I have also decided I have to log my food. Just do it! No matter what food plan I follow, I HAVE to track it! So I’m back to using MyFitnessPal and am doing well. I’ve been avoiding sugar and breads. I don’t feel deprived either…it’s like the switch flipped in my brain and I’m ready to do it. I hope this feeling continues. I know I will have hard days, but I want to power through them…I haven’t wanted to in a while.

I’m too close to gaining back all the weight that I’ve lost, so decided it’s time to get serious. I’ve been exercising for a few weeks, and started tracking my food on Sunday, June 1. Just the first day, I was down 5 pounds! I know I was really bloated, and luckily this is timed with my Time Of Month. I’m feeling strong, AND losing the bloat. I should see a really nice loss on the scale tomorrow. MFP friends, don’t get too excited when you see my loss. I’ve gained much more than that!

I’m just happy to be on track and feeling good.

Well, other than my neck pain. I woke up Sunday with horrible neck pain. I must have slept on it wrong, and it was extremely painful all day Sunday. It’s much better now, but still hurts.

Next time I check in, I hope to report that I’m still on track!!

Eviction Notice

Dear Fat,

This is your eviction notice. You must begin to vacate my body immediately. As long as you continue to make progress moving out, I will be patient with you. I know how hard it is to leave a place you have lived for so many years.

But, I am tired of how you make me look. More importantly, I am tired of how you make me feel. All you do is weigh me down, literally and figuratively.

You aren’t doing anyone any good, and are only destroying your residence. I plan to keep my body for a long, long time, and in order to do so I need you to leave.

I am ready to live my life.

Please, leave without a fight to make this easier for both of us.



Trying to kick my stress to the curb!

The stress in my life has been out of control. Financial stress is the worst right now. When I’m stressed, I eat. When I eat too much, then I don’t lose weight or even gain a few pounds, making me more stressed. Eating more than I need to costs more money, which makes my financial stress worse. It’s a vicious cycle.

There is good news.

I have decided not to be so strict with what I eat. Days I feel like tracking what I eat, I will. Days I feel overwhelmed, I won’t…although I’ll try to make decent choices. I am focusing on moving more. That helps my stress more effectively than eating anyway. Right now I don’t feel as pressured to be perfect. Instead I’m trying to go with the flow and make positive, healthy changes without focusing on the weight loss part.

Yesterday I logged my food and had a good food day! It just clicked and didn’t seem like a daunting task. I feel like doing it again today. Can you believe it?!

I’m also taking some drastic measures to help us makes ends meet financially. I am planning to become a crazy coupon lady! LOL I love Target’s cartwheel app…between that and coupons, I saved $60 last night! And it was all stuff I would have bought anyway. It takes time that I don’t really have, but it’s necessary right now.

I have not had wine in close to a month, and my husband has not bought beer in at least that long. It’s saving money, plus I feel better when I don’t drink. I definitely need to make sure to enjoy alcohol in moderation from now on. It makes me feel bogged down and irritable when I drink it too often.

The past few days I am feeling better emotionally. I feel like I’m making the best changes I can to ease my biggest stress.

Now I just hope I can continue on this upswing…

Life’s Ups and Downs

It looks like I’m a once-every-two-weeks blogger. Blah.

I guess I’m kind of in an emotional pit. I won’t go into details, but life is just really stressful. When I get stressed, I eat. Then I sabotage my weight loss efforts and get more stressed. So I eat. It’s a vicious cycle. The Prozac is helping, but it’s definitely not a cure-all, and it doesn’t pay the bills!

One very good thing is I’ve noticed the Prozac has helped with my anxiety. I didn’t realize I had anxiety until a year or two ago. It really only happens when I’m driving, which is NOT a good time. I get a bit light-headed, then my hands and arms get tingly. A few times I’ve pulled over for fear I would pass out. It happens anytime I feel closed in, like there is fog, snow, rain, or even too much traffic or darkness. I’ve learned this anxiety developed after driving in a blizzard 6 years ago. It had become a daily event and I would do some deep breathing just to get through the drive to work. But luckily, very luckily, the Prozac has all but made this disappear! I cannot begin to tell you how liberating it is to feel like I can actually drive again! We took a family drive last weekend to visit some family, and I actually drove the entire trip. It was nice!

On the food front, I have a few really great days of eating, then a really bad day. Then 1/2 a good day followed by 3 bad days. You see how it goes… So I’m not making progress and I’m sick of it. I need to find my groove and get this moving.

So…since it is now officially SPRING (even if it doesn’t feel like it quite yet), it’s time to get moving. When my schedule and the weather permit, I will get outside to jog. Jogging is such an amazing stress reliever for me, and I miss it.

Starting TODAY, I am also trying to follow my Healthy 30 plan again. This means no obvious sugars (except creamer in my coffee, which I am cutting back on), no bread, crackers, etc. I know I do well when I stick to this plan, and I feel amazing. I’m not necessarily sticking to doing this for 30 days. It’s kind of an ongoing thing because this is how I want to eat most of the time. I also need to find ways to incorporate something like a slice of toast if it’s what I’m really craving.

I will try to blog more than once every two weeks so I can share my struggles and triumphs. I’m excited to make this a successful Day One!

Okay Mother Nature…

We’ve had enough here in the frozen tundra of Minnesota! All of you have probably heard about our insanely cold weather. I even have an online friend in Australia who heard about it on her news.

School is closed today, for the second day in a row. Marcus got called in to work, so he was gone by the time I tried to leave to take the kids to daycare. My car won’t start. It won’t even turn over. So I’m home with the kids again. And we have a frozen pipe in my daughter’s bedroom. I won’t go into all the details, but I have a space heater going in that room and it seems to be helping. Not exactly what I want to deal with today.

All of this “life crap” doesn’t help my food choices. It makes me want to turn to comfort food, which isn’t usually healthy. And I’ve been giving in. More than I care to admit. It’s a good thing we don’t have any pasta in the house, because a big bowl of buttered noodles sounds delicious right now.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. Being fat is painful. It’s painful inside and out. I’m sick of the pain! I know losing weight has pains of it’s own, but I prefer the pain of sore muscles to the current pain I’m in. Last night I remembered how great I felt at my lowest weight…I felt strong and healthy. I felt beautiful. Inside and out. I want that feeling back and I will fight to get it.

If I can start my day with exercise, I know I will feel good and it will help me to stay on track with my eating. I won’t always be successful, but it will help. So I decided I just have to get up in the morning to do some kind of exercise. I almost got up this morning. Then I didn’t. I will try again tomorrow. I will keep trying until I succeed.

I will succeed. I choose the pain of losing weight.