Life’s Ups and Downs

It looks like I’m a once-every-two-weeks blogger. Blah.

I guess I’m kind of in an emotional pit. I won’t go into details, but life is just really stressful. When I get stressed, I eat. Then I sabotage my weight loss efforts and get more stressed. So I eat. It’s a vicious cycle. The Prozac is helping, but it’s definitely not a cure-all, and it doesn’t pay the bills!

One very good thing is I’ve noticed the Prozac has helped with my anxiety. I didn’t realize I had anxiety until a year or two ago. It really only happens when I’m driving, which is NOT a good time. I get a bit light-headed, then my hands and arms get tingly. A few times I’ve pulled over for fear I would pass out. It happens anytime I feel closed in, like there is fog, snow, rain, or even too much traffic or darkness. I’ve learned this anxiety developed after driving in a blizzard 6 years ago. It had become a daily event and I would do some deep breathing just to get through the drive to work. But luckily, very luckily, the Prozac has all but made this disappear! I cannot begin to tell you how liberating it is to feel like I can actually drive again! We took a family drive last weekend to visit some family, and I actually drove the entire trip. It was nice!

On the food front, I have a few really great days of eating, then a really bad day. Then 1/2 a good day followed by 3 bad days. You see how it goes… So I’m not making progress and I’m sick of it. I need to find my groove and get this moving.

So…since it is now officially SPRING (even if it doesn’t feel like it quite yet), it’s time to get moving. When my schedule and the weather permit, I will get outside to jog. Jogging is such an amazing stress reliever for me, and I miss it.

Starting TODAY, I am also trying to follow my Healthy 30 plan again. This means no obvious sugars (except creamer in my coffee, which I am cutting back on), no bread, crackers, etc. I know I do well when I stick to this plan, and I feel amazing. I’m not necessarily sticking to doing this for 30 days. It’s kind of an ongoing thing because this is how I want to eat most of the time. I also need to find ways to incorporate something like a slice of toast if it’s what I’m really craving.

I will try to blog more than once every two weeks so I can share my struggles and triumphs. I’m excited to make this a successful Day One!


October Plan

My Healthy 30 kind of fizzled out at the end. But I made it 26 days!! For that, I am extremely proud. I lost 10 pounds, and am sitting at 242. I feel a bit bloated, so hope some of that is fluid retention.

I’ve learned I do better when I have a solid plan. So I need to go into October with some solid goals. I have decided I am basically going to do the same thing I did in September. My rules are here. The big difference is I am going to give myself 4 cheat days, to use when I feel I need them most. My cravings have subsided, so I should have a couple of weeks before I really want to use one. I also can’t use 2 cheat days in a row. This will force me to get back on track immediately.

I am hoping to lose another 10 pounds this month. Then another 5 before Thanksgiving. That will give me a total loss of 50 pounds, and I really want to hit that before going into the holidays. I’ll worry about holiday plans when they get a bit closer.

I have also been thinking I should get back to some sort of regular exercise. But I’m also realistic. I worked 55 hours last week, and will have similar hours through this entire month. I do enjoy my wii Biggest Loser program, so will look to see if it has an option for workouts just 3 days each week. And I’ll stick to the smallest time commitment as well. For now.

Here we go…onto October! What are some of your goals? Let’s crush them!

Day 27: A Confession

It’s no secret I’ve been struggling for the past 10 days or so. Friday night was particularly tough. Thank you to those of you who helped me get through it by commenting on my facebook post. It was SO HARD, but I did it! That was an amazing feeling.

Yesterday was a great day. We have been having LOTS of problems with our phone reception through Sprint since late spring/early summer. We’ve been with them for 9 or 10 years now and never had problems. This past summer has been awful. I drop calls all the time, and my best friend jokes that she’s not going to call me anymore. I won’t complain too much, because it’s now in the past. Yesterday we switched to Verizon. That’s not the exciting part. Marcus and I both got the iPhone 5c, and I LOVE it!! Marcus would never text before, but he sent me his first text yesterday. Talk about exciting! lol He said he feels like he just went from a Fred Flintstone car to a Maserati!

That wasn’t all as far as technology leaps in our house. We finally bought a wireless router for the house! I know this isn’t all that exciting. Most people are already hooked into technology. But our kids are getting a bit older so we’re forcing ourselves to learn. Pretty soon they will know more than us, and honestly, I’d like to know how all this works so I can keep an eye on them…and teach them how to use their devices correctly. So now we’re set up and will hopefully venture into the world of tablets around Christmas.

After all our shopping was done, we went to Applebee’s for lunch. I had every intention of getting a salad. I know how many calories they are and the ingredients fit into my Healthy 30. It was a bit chilly out, I didn’t bring a coat, and then it started raining. I was wet and cold, and eating a cold salad wasn’t appetizing at all. Their high-calorie but oh-so-delicious quesadilla burger was totally calling to me. So I ordered it, knowing nothing about it was in my plan. And it was amazingly delicious. Even though I didn’t quite make the full 30 days without cheating, I do not regret that meal one bit. It’s like it was exactly what I was craving, and it was satisfied.

The problem was my unhealthy eating didn’t end there. I didn’t totally overeat, not at all. But we had pizza for supper and I also had 2 beers. I don’t regret this either. One weak day is not at all what I was hoping for. But now it’s over and I no longer feel tempted to eat bad. I am totally back on track today, and will finish my challenge strong.

It’s a beautiful, although chilly, day here in Minnesota. Marcus doesn’t want to go to the pumpkin patch today, but we plan to go one of these upcoming weekends. Our sweet corn was planted VERY late and is about ready, so hopefully we can freeze that today. Our tomatoes are finally starting to turn red, and I’m anxious to start canning those too. And I’d like to can applesauce. So much to do and definitely not enough time with my work schedule this time of year.

Speaking of work, I’m skipping church again so I can work uninterrupted. Better quit blogging and get to it. 🙂

Day 25: Learning more about my body

Work, work, work. Blah, blah, blah.

My life literally revolves around work this time of year. I have worked at least a little bit every single day since September 3. By the time I leave work today, I will be at 53.75 hours so far for the week. And I could easily put in a full day tomorrow. The overtime pay is what keeps me going. At least now when I’m in the early stages of the long weeks. In another month, I will no longer care about the money.

I am really hoping for a family day on Sunday. I have an idea I ran by Marcus. So far he doesn’t seem real excited, but I think it would be fun. There is a pumpkin patch in our area, one that the girls went to with school a couple of times. Allison might get to go again this year, but those school events are always insanely crazy. So I thought it would be nice for us to go as a family. We can take our time and wander around at our leisure. Pick pumpkins, go for a wagon ride, take some nice pictures, and enjoy some beautiful fall weather. We rarely do these things and I think it would be nice. Plus I could use the break from work.

I almost caved last night. I almost quit my Healthy 30. It’s not like I’ve been craving anything specific. I’m not drooling over the thought of a piece of pizza or a brownie. But I don’t feel like counting my calories and want to eat whatever I want. This has been going on for a week or 10 days. Somehow I still I stick with it. By now I’m on Day 25! I canNOT throw in the towel now!

Part of my frustration is that the scale hasn’t budged in a week. Well, slight fluctuations here and there, but nothing significant enough to worry about or get excited about.

Last night I figured it out. Since eating cleaner seems to be making my menstrual cycles more regular (something I have NEVER experienced), I realized these are things I have been dealing with around this time of my cycle. Not wanting to make the effort to eat healthy. Munchies. Weight gain or fluid retention. This is exactly what I’ve been dealing with for the past week. This is exactly what I have gone through previous months about this time. Realizing this was all I needed last night to stick to my plan.

I am confident the scale will reward me soon. But more than that, I am beyond PROUD that I have stuck to my plan this past week.

Day 23: a little exercise

In one week, I will be on my final day of my Healthy 30! I have been struggling a bit the past few days, but it’s not that I’m craving “bad” foods or anything. The scale just isn’t moving like it was, but I know I need to be patient and stick with this. I am still hoping to lose 15 pounds by the end of my challenge.

I got home from work last night, and the house was quiet. With three kids, that is extremely rare! The girls were playing nicely upstairs, and Marcus and Kody were just hanging out. So I took advantage of it and went for a quick walk. The girls had their first Girl Scout meeting a little later, so I couldn’t be gone long.

I can’t remember the last time I went for a walk, so it was refreshing and a very much needed stress reliever! I did a little jogging, which really helps with my stress level. I’m finding I almost enjoy jogging. I want to find a way to exercise a little bit here and there while work is so busy. But I also know how exhausting the work hours get, so I’m not banking on it. For sure in November I will get into a routine. I hate putting it off, but I’m realistic. And hey, I’m eating great. That’s a HUGE step for me!

My house is also quite filthy these days. It’s embarrassing, really. I need to work on teaching the kids how to do some of this stuff so they can help out a little bit.

On today’s menu…

Breakfast – coffee with creamer, chocolate strawberry smoothie

Lunch – small bowl of chili, and a lettuce salad

Snacks – yogurt or boiled egg or celery with natural peanut butter

Supper – onion, pepper, egg scramble. We have LOTS of freshly laid eggs from Marcus’s parents!

Day 22: Weigh In

I’m tired from my crazy work hours, but still feeling good. Today I decided to squeeze myself into my smaller jeans and I feel great! They fit well, although they’re a little snug around my waist. No one can tell though, so I’m wearing them. They look better than my bigger jeans. 🙂

I weighed in today and gained a pound from last week, so I’m at 241. I’m not taking it too seriously. I know my scale is screwy, to put it nicely. And while I know I’ve had too much coffee with creamer the past week, other than that I have eaten pretty much perfect…the two bites of cream puff really aren’t a factor since I stopped there.

Stress from work may not be helping either. I should make time for some exercise to help with stress relief, but I know that’s not likely to happen for another 6 weeks or so. I put in my regular 8-9 hour day in the office, then try to work another hour or two after the kids are in bed. Weekends I try to work the 2 hours Kody naps, plus evenings. And I even skip church with the family to get another 2 1/2 hours of uninterrupted work time. Yes, it sucks. But the overtime money is very much needed, and is what keeps me going.

Anyway, gotta get back to it. Next week I will be in the 230s. Just watch me.

Day 21: Just one bite…

I admit, I’m starting to struggle just a bit. I’m not giving in…just admitting it’s not as easy as it was in the beginning. Perhaps that’s because the weight isn’t melting off like it was. And I know exactly why. I’ve stayed within my calories, but I have been allowing myself extra coffee with that darn creamer. If I don’t get that in check now, it’ll only get worse as work gets busier over the next 6 weeks.

Ugh…work…I am ready for my busy time to be over, and it’s really just beginning. I managed to work about 6 hours yesterday, on a Sunday. Today I am swamped but needed a break to do something else, so here I am blogging. 🙂

My dad and his girlfriend came over for a short visit yesterday. She bakes all the time…dinner rolls are her specialty, but yesterday she made cream puffs for something and brought some for us. I wasn’t going to have any, not even a taste. While I was putting some cream on a puff for one of my kids, I ended up licking my finger. OMG that was good cream! So I had another taste of it. Then I had a bite of the cream on a puff. My taste buds were in heaven!

But then I stopped. What was I doing?! I wanted to do this 30 days strict, and here I was with a couple bites of that cream puff in my belly. I am not calling this a failure. Not at all. I immediately got back on track and didn’t let those two bites get me off track. Normally, it would. But not this time. Not this time.

I AM doing this. I will have a wildly successful 30 days. After that? The possibilities are endless.

Day 18: Down, but far from Out

I have been a bit down the past few days. I’ve been tired. There have been a few occasions that I wanted to throw in the towel and eat whatever I wanted. Luckily I stayed strong and the feelings passed quickly. Yesterday I felt like I could be getting sick. Today I am tired, have a headache, and am trying to ignore the slightly scratchy throat I have. Despite all this, I am determined to do well on my challenge. No matter what!

I admit there have been a few days I have allowed myself more coffee (with creamer) than I said I would. And I have popcorn more than once a week. But I am following the rest of my plan to a T. The extra creamer is the worst offender, and I need to stop that. I tend to drink more when I’m busy with work, or feeling under the weather. Both are happening now. But still…I feel good and am proud of myself.

I found out yesterday my office building is going to be demolished in March 2015. It is in downtown Rochester, Minnesota, just a few blocks from Mayo Clinic. Mayo will be making some HUGE expansions in the next few years and there will be an even greater need for more hotels downtown. Some people from the UAE bought my building, will be tearing it down, and will be building a 5-Star Waldorf hotel in its place. So all the companies in the building (and probably other buildings in the area) will be displaced. Our building isn’t the greatest, and the layout of our office is poor. So the idea of a new office is kind of fun. The idea of moving a business is not. Been there, done that! I was hoping this would mean my commute would possibly be shortened, but it doesn’t sound like that will happen. Our owner wants to stay downtown so he can walk to the food court and Starbucks whenever he wants. I’d rather be on the outskirts where there is less traffic to deal with and free parking! But the decision isn’t up to me. Time will tell what happens. No sense worrying about anything until then.

Today’s meal plan is a bit up in the air. But I have lettuce cleaned and ready to go, boiled eggs, a little leftover roast beef, apples, celery, and a few other things. Luckily there is very little junk in the house right now, so I can and will stay on track. If only the tomatoes in our garden would finally start to turn red so I could make a big pot of chili!

Day 15: Weigh-In!!!!

Can you tell from my title that I’m excited? More on that in a bit.

Day 15 already?! I cannot believe I am half done with my 30 day challenge. It has flown by and I don’t feel deprived. Instead, I feel healthy and happy. My confidence is building and I am starting to feel radiant on the inside. The outside is coming.

For at least a couple of years, I have been wanting Marcus and I to get away. It’s finally happening!! Once my busy time at work is over, we are going away. Just the two of us! It won’t be anywhere exotic and won’t be incredibly exciting, but we can enjoy a nice (possibly romantic?) dinner, go to a movie, or anything else we want and not worry about having to get home to kids. I can’t wait.

Okay, work is calling me so I better wrap this up. Today’s weigh-in! Are you ready? I was hoping to hit 242 which would give me a 35 pound loss to date. Instead, I got 240!!!! I am SO freakin excited I can hardly stand it! That’s 12 pounds in the past 2 weeks, for a total loss of 37 pounds! I am really noticing some changes now and it feels fantastic.

I didn’t feel like cleaning lettuce last night for today’s lunch, so my meals are a bit different today.

Breakfast – coffee with creamer, organic oatmeal
Lunch – 2 boiled eggs, celery with peanut butter
Snack – greek yogurt
Supper – not sure yet, but maybe a nice big salad with some leftover roast beef

Day 13: Dreary Weather

We finally got some much-needed rain last night and this morning. It has been very dry so the rain was welcome. Today it is cool and cloudy, but still a nice day (at least I think so) despite the dreary weather.

I am going strong with my 30 day challenge. I weighed this morning and hit 35 pounds gone! WOOHOO!! I know I’ll be up tomorrow but plan to make this official when I weigh in on Tuesday. I am getting SO close to the 230s! I am really excited and still incredibly motivated!

I am technically on plan today, and will still be under the total calories I can eat according to MyFitnessPal. But since the weather is a bit cool, I am enjoying some nice warm coffee (with creamer) this afternoon. I am going over my 3 cup rule today, but it’s okay. The worse part is I’m just not getting my water in today. I need to work on that the rest of the day!

I haven’t done well on the exercise front. I don’t have any good reasons, except that I got out of the habit. Marcus finally hooked up our wii after our living room update so I’ll have to get back to my wii Biggest Loser program. I really enjoy it, and since it’s been easier getting up in the mornings, perhaps I just do it.

Hope the weather is nicer in your neck of the woods!