Being a mom is by far the hardest thing I have ever done. It’s when I gained the weight (and more) I worked so hard to lose. It’s when I lost my identity. It’s when I began to struggle with depression. Those things are all changing now. I am getting better and finding myself (inside and out) again.
Being a mom is also the best thing I have ever done. By far! I am raising 3 incredible little people. They challenge me (that’s both good and bad! lol). They inspire me. They love me for who I am. Unconditionally. Hopefully I never screw that up.
Being a mom is also incredibly emotional. Cameron has a 60% hearing loss in her left ear. Thank God her right ear is normal and for the most part, no one can tell she even has a problem. All I want is for her to be a normal girl. I don’t want her to be treated any different from any other kid.
Roughly once a year, we take her for a hearing check to make sure she’s doing okay, and to address any concerns. Today was the day, and I am grateful her doctor has no concerns.
It does, however, always make me emotional on these days. The audiologist said there is a drop in her hearing in her bad ear. Her doctor isn’t concerned. Okay, that’s good. But I can’t help but wonder if she is slowly losing her hearing. I know it’s possible that could happen. Probable? I don’t know. Does it really matter if she loses her hearing in that ear? Probably not. I’m not sure it helps her all that much anyway. Again, thank God for her good ear.
I know her problems aren’t really a big deal. Not in the grand scheme of things. And this is certainly not life-threatening or as bad as other things some of my friends have had to deal with.
But, as a mom, the thought of my baby not having normal hearing, this is incredibly emotional. All moms want is for their kids to be perfect, right? Or maybe not perfect, but normal and not have complications.
I will feel better tomorrow. I will basically forget about the hearing problems. Because, really, I don’t notice it most of the time.
But for today, I am emotional.